In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
