you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
