Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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