I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
