Are we in a gay sports bar?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
