Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
