i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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