I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
