I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
