woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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