I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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