Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
