so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
