I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
