he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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