I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
