If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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