if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
