I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
