Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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