I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
"it" just moved
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize