Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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