C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
