...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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