Got a toothbrush?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize