all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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