alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
