none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
