I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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