Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
