he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
