covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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