Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
