Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
