he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
