I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
