There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
