Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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