my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
