We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
