so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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