He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
