I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
