Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
