I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
