I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
