You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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