STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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