u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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