Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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