that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
