Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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