i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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