don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
