God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
