Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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