Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
