I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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