I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
