My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
