Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and you said cock pushups were impossible
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I checked into jail on foursquare
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
