New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize