So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
