I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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